Dad was excellent at life hacks. A favorite trick of his was using CDs as mini mirrors. Above his computer in his office, he hung several CDs with the reflective side facing outwards. Though people likely chalked these “decorations” up to his love for music, they had another purpose: he could tell when someone came into his office (and who it was) without even turning around!
Years later, this uncomfortable yet hilarious memory came back to me.
In the spring of my fourth grade year, I had my first introduction to sex ed via St. Catherine’s “Family Life” class. On the way home from school on day, just as we passed the Midlothian Turnpike exit on Chippenham Parkway, I abruptly asked daddy “do you know what erections are?”
I was trying to process all I had learned that day and didn’t yet understand that asking such a question was viewed as taboo. Clearly uncomfortable, he responded with a wary “yes…”
Nothing could have prepared him for the question that was to follow: “So do you get erections when you hug Nama Estelle?”
I still remember how his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel before he changed the subject!
Dane, Happy Birthday! I met your Dad when he was about 12 years old. Over the years we spent many moments together. He was one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Funny your birthday is March 24th, because on March 23, 1979 I spent the day with him at our house in New Jersey waiting for Jamie to be born. Jamie was born March 24th at 2.48am.
I am very spiritual so I believe the people we love and who love us are always around. I think about him often and when I do I get a smile on my face.
Though daddy may have been a PITA, I was apparently quite the little shit when I was little. I was always outsmarting Mom and Dad and finding brand new ways to get in trouble or annoy the living hell out of them.
One example is tendency to always lock them out of my room. I’m not sure why I did it, but it drove Dad especially insane. He figured he could just reverse the knob on my door, but was afraid that I would figure out how to lock him in there! Instead, he used almost an entire role of packing tape to tape a small plastic baby bottle cap over the lock button on the knob. It was pretty ridiculous, and it was not easy to remove when it came time to sell the Winding Creek house.
Another example of my little shit tendencies was pretty bizarre. Every time I walked by the computer, I would turn off the chassis box if it was on. I have no idea why I did this. I think it was either the ambient noise the old computer made or the green light that blinked when it was on that bothered me. I was a weird kid. Anyways, I would simply push the power button instead of properly shutting down the computer which was not very good for the system. It drove dad nuts, and no matter how many times he told me not to do it, I kept on turning the computer off. He engineered several contraptions to keep me from accessing the power button, including signs, blockades, etc., but I persisted. Ultimately, he ended up using velcro to affix a thick sheet of professional-grade plastic over the front of each computer so I couldn’t access the button. I guess I was just a little shit!
For the past 365 days, we’ve recounted some wonderful things about daddy. But, I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge a few of his “PITA” (Pain In The Ass, as he liked to say) qualities.
First things first, dad was occasionally hard to please…particularly at restaurants. He loved a juicy medium-rare steak. If it was not cooked to perfection, he’d send it back much to my chagrin. I’m sure he unwittingly digested quite a bit of spit as a result of his many complaints.
On a similar note, daddy hated tomatoes. He was loosely allergic and would swell with some hives if he ingested them. I have a vivid memory of us ordering at the Wendy’s on Hull Street. He checked his burger and found tomatoes, despite his “no tomatoes” request. He watched as they took his burger to the side and scraped the tomatoes into the garbage before reassembling. If only that employee knew the mistake he had just made. Naturally, daddy went off. He first lectured the employee and his manager about how this was bad practice. He then proceeded to harshly explain that he requested tomatoes due to an allergy. He even went so far as to say, “I’ll see your ass in court!” (a favorite threat of his). By the end of the ordeal, they had comped the meal.
Another vivid mad-dad memory I have is when he WENT OFF on the VW Passat Service folks. He had brought in his car for maintenance and they needed to service the brakes. Some poor (and admittedly careless) schmuck forgot to reconnect the brakes, and dad, with Joelle and me in tow, flew down the parking lot hill into Midlothian Turnpike when it came time to leave the dealership. By some miracle, there was a lull in traffic and we emerged unscathed. Livid, daddy went back to the Service Department to rip them a new one. Of course this time, I can’t say I blame him.
In short — whether it was calling out my first grade teacher for telling me I had incorrectly memorized my address (she thought we lived in Bon Air for some reason), calling the police on reckless drivers, or filing consumer complains — daddy had zero problem with confronting people and making a scene.
Dane, I am not sure if you have heard or embraced the story that you are actually a margarita baby. After having Sam and Joelle, I had decided I would like to have a third child in our family. Your Dad was not quite as enthusiastic. Things were already hectic with two children and work. But I had come from a family of two children and wished for something different.
Your Nama Estelle had a similar desire for a third child which led to the birth of your father. The way she told it, she wanted a third baby long after having had Stan and Bob. Bob was more difficult (ha-ha), so she had to wait long before she was ready (plus according to Nama Estelle, her pregnancy went on for 10 months with Bob and I believe he weighed 10 lbs. when he was born, so hence the hesitation). You can confirm this with Uncle Bob, but I believe there is nearly a 10 year age gap between him and your Dad. Anyway, Grampa Max told your mother that she only had a certain window of time to get pregnant because he wanted to retire at a certain time, and wanted to make sure that a child was born before the school cutoff, so he would be graduated and out of the house. Fortunately, Nama Estelle was quite fertile, because she was able to conceive your Dad within a few months of trying, and he was born when Grampa Max was 44. That meant that when your Dad graduated from college, Grampa Max would be 66. In recalling this story, it is sad to realize that while Grampa Max was 44 when Jon was born, your Dad was 44 when he died.
But let’s get back to the margarita baby. I believe your Dad remembered the story of his own conception when considering to have a third child. Eventually, I had convinced him, and I did conceivein late 1998. Unfortunately, I miscarried that baby at around 6 weeks. I later had another miscarriage in February of 1999. With this outcome, I know your Dad thought it was a sign that we should be content with our family as is and reconsider whether to have a third child. He was content and not as eager as me. And, the emotional turmoil of miscarrying was not easy, even though we were already blessed with your two beautiful sisters.
The doctor told us we should wait a month or two and then could try again to have another baby after the miscarriage. During that timeframe, your Dad and I talked a lot about what we should do. I was greatly saddened by the miscarriages, and a little more hesitant to have another baby after that. We did not decide to have a third child to “try for a boy,” as people generally think. We were quite happy with our two girls, and would have been happy with a third girl. In fact, when we later found out you were a boy via a prenatal amniocentesis procedure, I know we were both quite shocked, but also happy to have a boy.
Anyway, your Dad and I decided to put aside the thought of having a baby for a bit and then decide later, although I was not getting any younger (already 38 by then). So now, you must envision July 4, 1999. Steve and Kathi Atkinson (and Kelsey) lived behind us at our Winding Creek house in Creekwood back then. The Fourth of July was always a big hubbabaloo in Creekwood. There was a big party at the pool with karaoke singing and drinking. Mike Sida and the Hallihan’s put on a huge annual fireworks display in the cul-de-sac. And after all of those festivities, the Atkinson’s invited your Dad and I over for food and more drinks. My all-time favorite drink back then was a frozen margarita. Mr. Atkinson served me up several, and both your Dad and I were getting a bit tipsy, so we decided to head home.
When we got there, your Dad (quite amorously I might add) said “You know what Lisa, let’s go ahead and make that third baby. I’m ready and I definitely think we should do it.” One will never know if that was the margarita talking, but it hardly matters now, because I am convinced we conceived you that very night. They say you can’t tell the moment you conceive, but I clearly remember it feeling very different, as if the heavens opened, and suddenly you were there. Yeah, indulge me here! But if you do the math from July 4 to March 24, it makes total sense. It takes about 40 weeks to have a baby.
Dane’s Ultrasound | 08/12/99
So forever more, if you want to thank someone for being born (besides good old Mom and Dad), you can thank the Atkinson’s, friendship, fun, and a little tequila.
Dane,
Happy birthday. It’s 5:05am — the exact moment we welcomed you into the world, 16 years ago today. Where on earth has the time gone?
As you know, today also marks the last official day of Celebrating Jon posts. Inspired by mom and dad’s 10 birthday surprises for my 10th birthday, you can look forward to 16 posts to help you celebrate.
As daddy would say, All My Love, All The Time. Have a great day!
I didn’t know Jon real well, and that is my loss. However, there was one memory I have that I think epitomizes the incredible love Jon had for the kids. You may recall a get-together Donna had at the river about 3-4 years ago (if memory serves) during the summer. A lot of us were out back or down on the dock, and I had gone to the car to get the gloves for Amy and I to play catch. There was Jon over by the cars with an inflatable kiddie pool y’all had brought down. Poor Jon was huffing and puffing and doing his best to blow that thing up as Sam and Joelle waited impatiently. It was a hot day and Jon was working up a pretty good sweat, and the pool still looked pretty flat. As I got to the car and saw all of this, it struck me that I had bought Nancy an air compressor to keep in her car in case she ever had a flat. I got it out, plugged it into the cigarette lighter, and we had a pool in no time. Jon was so thankful, but I know that absent that mechanical device, he would have stayed out there blowing until midnight if he had to. As a dad that has a similar love for my daughter, I sensed that, and really admired the sacrifice he was making then, and on probably every other occasion like it. So many parents would have told their kids to forget it, that it was too hot, it would take too long, the river is right there, etc. Not Jon – he was too good a father to ever say anything like that.
That is the enduring memory I will have of Jon, and I am so glad I got to know him a little. In the years to come, the pain you feel now will subside, and the thousdands of fond memories will bring a smile to your face, and likewise for the girls. Dane’s youth will prevent him from those strong memories, but I know you and the girls will make sure he continues to know he had a great daddy.
Written Dec. 7, 2002
I am sure that your Mom is very proud and that your dad, Grandpa Max and Grandma Estelle (My Aunt and Uncle, I adored them. When I would stay with my Grandpa Solly and Grandma Becky ( Jon’s Corsover Gandparents) for a weekend, I would sleep in Aunt Estelle’s empty bedroom and loved going through her desk/college materials, post cards, fun stuff…she already was married)
When My first cousin Jon was born we would go out and visit them In Levittown Long Island (just to put things in context, I was born in 1943). I was a bit older than Stan and Bob but we all played and fooled around. Anyway, as Jon got older I can recall his somewhat impish grin along with his great smile. He was a bit of a child prodigy on the Piano and many in the family thought he was somewhat of a genius as he was just SO, SO BRIGHT! He was able to master everything he set out to do, really, a kid of many talents! He was often teased by his older brothers and I can remember many a tantrum. Poor Jon!
He had lots of children’s books, toys/games, as I recall he was drawn to the creative and the challenging ones. We would get together for family BBQs a couple times/year in Levittown…he had a great appetite as did I, and most of the family! Jon was a good looking boy and a handsome young man, ( I see Dane is too!) very nice, good natured, with a good sense of humor! Because of his talents and interests being so diverse, sometimes I thought he listened to the sounds of a “different drummer”…he just had so many interests! There was too much of an age difference between us, so I was not close to him, just sharing observations from a much older first cousin, from our growing up years.
I was pleased when he went to work for PM in Richmond. They were a great company. I worked for them at their World HQ, where I was on the President’s Staff/ Office of the President, then at 100 Park Ave, NYC. I always let it be known, when interacting with the Richmond Operations/Engineering people, that Jon was my first cousin. People all had a good impression of Jon, he was well liked and respected from what I could find out.
Jon was one of 7 first cousins on my side, out of 9 ( Corsover) who had Engineering degrees, IE, EE, ChE…mine is a ChE/MBA. There were so many directions Jon could have taken. I am thinking he and his parents were very influenced that 6 older cousins were doing very well with their Engineering Degrees, some moving into Mgmt./Admin in many cases (kinda new for Jews who in the previous generations, once colleges started accepting Jews, went into the Arts, Medicine/Law) as Big Corporate America didn’t hire Jews, our generation really broke that wide open and paved the way.
Unfortunately, other than family events and Simchas, I lost track of Jon for many years, as my career involved living in many states as a young engineer. Jon’s parents would visit us wherever we were and I would hear about Stan, Bob and Jon but didn’t see him. I was a VP Corporate Marketing at GO JO Industries, Akron OH and helped Bob get a job there when he was in Toronto and things changed in his career. We got to see Max and Estelle often then, as your Uncle Bob relocated to Akron and I would hear about Jon. The one exception was some Family Life Cycle events and while it was great to see him, it was very rare. When I did see him he was the same, happy, jovial, fun, good sense of humor, quick thinker, JON! He was always fun seeing and being around as I grew up and that never changed! (I must add that Estelle and Max were ALWAYS very proud of Jon!!!) I always enjoyed being in Jon’s presence.
Arlene and I can remember being at your parents wedding, what a great day that was!!!
Celebrating Jon 